Give the Girl A Hand


Part I

Peggy J. Herring

Lois couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw other people in the waiting room. She glanced down at the sweater wrapped around her arm and hand, making sure the vase couldn’t be seen. Sticking her head into the little window where the receptionist sat on the other side of the boxed-in counter, Lois asked to see the nurse.

“She’s with a patient. Please have a seat.”

Just then Lois saw Rene come into the reception area from the back, scribbling on a chart.

“Rene!” Lois hissed as she stuck her head further in the little window with a waiting room full of patients sitting behind her staring. “You didn’t tell me there would be other people here!”

“This is a place of business,” Rene said nonchalantly as she continued writing on the chart. “Think of them as customers very much like yourself. Only none of them has a vase stuck on their hand. Now please have a seat out there with everyone else and wait your turn.”

“This is kind of embarrassing. Can’t you move my name up and get me in faster?”

After all, she thought, what was the point of having an ex working in a doctor’s office if I can’t get special treatment when I need it!

“I’m thinking,” Rene said calmly, “that having your mother’s antique vase stuck on your hand isn’t going to be nearly as embarrassing as having ten strangers see you with your head in our window. Now go have a seat and the doctor will be with you when it’s your turn.”

Lois hadn’t realized just how far inside the little sliding glass window she had crawled, but now that she tried to back out, it was becoming quite clear that the vase stuck on her hand was the least of her problems at the moment.


Part II

Therese Szymanski

Lois was precariously balanced with her waist on the sill, with her arms on the receptionist’s desk. She grinned endearingly, or at least she hoped it was endearingly, at the receptionist, whose very nice breasts were just inches away from her face.

The receptionist smirked at her.

Lois tilted her head to assess her chances at backing out of the window and landing on her feet without crashing the very expensive vase into little teeny, tiny pieces.

Unfortunately, doing so only slid her even further so that only her legs stuck out into the reception area.

“Um, excuse me?” a meek voice called from behind her. “I have an appointment, but I think these legs are on the sign-in sheet.”

Rene shook her head and disappeared back the way she had come from.

“Rene? Rene! You can’t just leave me here like this!”

The receptionist, whose name tag read Jill, stood up, took Lois by the arms and pulled her across the desk and to her feet. She then reached over, picked up the sign-in sheet that had landed with Lois on her desk, and put it back on the ledge. “There you go, Mrs. Johnson.”

Lois blushed crimson and straightened herself, preparing to go wait.

“Now let’s see what we have here,” Jill said, and before Lois could stop her, pulled the towel from the vase.

Lois shrugged. “It just kinda happened,” she began, but Jill wasn’t paying attention, instead she was inspecting the vase.

“If this is your mother’s antique vase, why does it say ‘Made in China’ on the bottom of it?”

“I saw one just like it for five bucks at Kmart just yesterday,” Mrs. Johnson helpfully added.


Part III

Laura DeHart Young

“Hmm,” Jill grunted. Without any warning, she roughly tugged at the vase and it easily slid from Lois’ arm.

Lois stood there dumbfounded. “How’d you do that? It was stuck like glue ten minutes ago.”

“Yeah, right,” Jill growled. “This was just some crazy-ass excuse to be near me, wasn’t it?”

Lois shook her head vehemently. “No, honest. The damned thing’s been stuck on my arm for hours.”

Jill grabbed Lois by the arm and dragged her into an empty waiting room. “Okay, explain yourself,” she demanded.

“I’m telling you, my arm got stuck. I don’t know why you were able to pull it off like that.”

“You’re still in love with me, aren’t you?” Jill continued to blither. “You were always doing crazy things to get my attention – even after we broke up.”

“I’m not still in love with you. In fact --”

“What am I going to do with you, Lois?” Jill interrupted, waving the vase in the air as she gestured wildly. “You’ve got to stop this!”

There was silence as Lois tried to think. Then Jill lowered her arms and they both heard a soft clink inside the vase.

“What was that?” Jill asked, peering inside. She tipped the vase and emptied the contents into her hand. Jill stared wide-eyed at the 24kt gold, diamond encrusted ring glistening in her palm.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Lois said softly. “I had the ring in my hand and grabbed the vase to put some flowers in it. I’m asking Tammy to marry me tonight. Commitment ceremony and everything.”

“Don’t tell me. Your arm got stuck trying to get the ring out.”

“Yeah. Listen, I really want you to help with the ceremony, okay?”

“Oh, sure – now that I feel like a damned fool! I have to admit, though, this is a very nice ring.” Jill inspected the ring more closely, then slipped it onto her finger. “Fits me perfectly, too. You’re sure you want to marry Tammy?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Lois said sheepishly.

“Okay, I’ll help you with the ceremony. Here’s your ring back.” Tammy tugged at the ring. Her face turned bright red as she tugged some more.

They both stared at each other in disbelief.

“I guess we’re going to need the doctor after all,” Lois said with a grin. “And I hope she has a great big hacksaw in her little black bag.”


Intro Something Borrowed The Shopping Trip
Give the Girl A Hand The Wettest Spot in the World The Nutcracker Suite
Footsies With Tootsie Flirting 101 The Luggage Rack
The Intruder The Butch In Question Driving Ms. Binkie
That Rainbow Feeling The Long Ride Home In the Heat of the Day
8 Mile The Gang’s All Here Break a Leg!
It’s All In the Name Beware of Beeping Lesbians A Moving Experience